Macron's wretched Bayeux Tapestry gift belittles Starmer - it's almost admirable

You've almost got to admire the chutzpah. On the very day Macron dictates a hopelessly unworkable small boats solution to Brexit Britain - y'know, the Britain that voted to take back control of its borders - he announces he is sending over the very first documentary evidence of mass illegal migration from Calais, for us to stick in a museum and gawp at.

Well, I for one will not be queueing to see the wretched Bayeux Tapestry. That's where the rot set in if you ask me. A Prime Minister Athelstan would never have let a cheese-eating surrender monkey dictate terms. But of course our own surrender monkey Sir Keir Starmer has done exactly that.

So we return 50 illegals a week. Which means 96% of illegals get to stay. Gosh, what a powerful deterrent Mr Starmer. The People Traffickers' business model is well and truly shattered. That's the gangs smashed and no mistake.

The fact is we won't even be sending 50 back. Because as Macron knows full well the EU won't allow it. And ultimately that is where the power resides. If illegals start being shipped back from Britain who knows where they might end up? Italy? Greece? Spain? And they are not going to put up with that.

The backlash has already begun from those countries and can you really see an EU vote signing this off? Of course you can't. So we are back to square one. Just a bit more humiliated as a nation. Our Brexit just a bit more discredited - the point of Macron's visit by the way.

Our vacant-looking Home Secretary Yvette Cooper had the misfortune of having to defend the indefensible on the TV rounds this morning. She looked half-furious at being railroaded by her boss and half rabbit-in-headlights about to be run down. She actually said: "Because we've done that work all the way through, we do expect the EU Commission to continue to be supportive."

Which is surely the best laugh any of us are going to have all day! They want us to fail love, do try and keep up.

Just to remind ourselves: as recently as March this year Starmer was promising to "smash the gangs" But since Labour came to power, 44,359 migrants have reached Dover on small boats, including 21,117 so far this year - a 50 per cent leap on the same period last year.

Hilariously just yesterday as Starmer was announcing his fatuous deal with Macron 400 new illegals from god knows where rocked up on our beaches asking for keys to a hotel room. I mean, why bother with an airbnb when the Brits will provide one for free right?

All this showboating and hot air. Are you convinced? Even for a second? No me neither.

France claims maritime law prevents them from intercepting boats at sea. It's a lie. A few miles up the road from Calais the Belgian coast guard police the waters and pick up and return small boats. It's why barely any small boats sail from the Belgian coast anymore. A massive success story.

The French issued a slick PR video last week in the run-up to the Starmer Macron cobblers we've seen this week. A policeman took out a knife and popped a dinghy in about two feet of water. Wet feet for the poor buggers aboard but that is one boat we can be sure will not be arriving in the UK.

Now France, if you really are "our European friends" I think we've found a workable model for combatting the boat crossings. Enough air chaud M.Macron, just get on with it.