The world may end today - so make sure you've got clean undies on

The end of the world is nigh, rather inconveniently, today or tomorrow, according to some Christians. May as well cancel that NHS appointment they've annoyingly kept on rescheduling..

Yes The Rapture, the bit in the Bible where all the Christians are whisked off up in the sky while the rest of us are left to sit here thinking "well, not gonna lie, I did not see that coming" is upon us.

At least it is if you believe Pastor Joshua Mhlakela, a South African preacher, who shared his divine prophecy on YouTube with rather more credulous social media dupes than you might credit. He claimed Jesus appeared to him in a vision and revealed the exact date of his return. Although, when pressed, Jesus appears to have been a little bit sketchy on the actual date - sometime between September 22 and September 24, to coincide with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, the Lord said apparently.

Call me picky but I was expecting a touch more accuracy from the actual Son of God.

Anyway, rather a lot of Christian fundamentalists in, yes you guessed it, America have been rather looking forward to The Rapture, when we non-believers, or agnostic ditherers, get our collective butts kicked by the Four Horsemen. Some have even given away houses and cars so convinced are they that Jesus wants them for a sunbeam.

But, hold the phone, some social media meanies have ridiculed the announcement. Indeed one pointed out we all better have our best undies on today if we are going to meet our maker.

Satire, the lowest form of wit and all that... but in all honesty I think I'm with The Rapture lot.

Because it turns out the actual Rapture is preceded by a thing called The Tribulation - which is seven years of absolute cr*p for the rest of us.

Now, it's a bit sketchy from reading interpretations of Biblical texts whether this refers to the seven years just gone or the seven years from today. But it works either way.

Donald Trump, for example, has been in power for almost exactly seven years, and who's to say - law-bending pending - he won't be in power for another seven. Vladimir Putin has spent a good seven years facilitating a nuclear conflagration, Britain has been led by spineless numpties for at least seven years, and most of us have spent far too much time since about 2018 pointing out that girls probably can't be boys, not really.

Then there was Covid, global warming, Greta Thunberg, economic meltdown, Israel-Palestine, Rachel Reeves... if the next seven years are worse than that God help us (and yes, the irony is not lost on me!).

Still not convinced?

A bit I found in the Bible (1 Corinthians 15:51-52 if you're interested) states the dead will rise and the world will end "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump".

The last Trump!

Co-incidence? I think not! I mean when has religion ever got it wrong?

As for that late getaway summer holiday you booked.. well, chin up, it's not the end of the world.

Oh, hang on...